Stage Fright
It'll all work out.
I played drums on the road with Caamp from the Summer of 2021 through the end of 2022. The opportunity changed my life, and gave me a whole new perspective on what it takes to make a living as a performer. I encountered some tough hurdles along the way. The first, and probably the biggest, was stage fright.
When I got the call to go out on the road, I quit my writing job. I practiced and studied the catalog for two or three hours a day, and I set up a few lessons with some of my favorite drummers. At the time, I wasn’t really interested in picking up new techniques. I was looking for pointers on performing in front of bigger crowds than I ever had.
The second and third gigs of my first proper tour took place at a sold-out Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Morrison, Colorado. Anyone would be nervous, but I put a lot of extra pressure on myself. I wanted to nail it. I wanted to secure the gig, and the shows on the Rocks started to become more of a monster than a beautiful night of music to enjoy with my friends. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my feelings before and after those shows.
Aside from the drumming, my preparation for the first tour consisted of daily meditation (shoutout to the Waking Up app) and exercise. I needed to ground myself and focus on the current moment. I wanted to stop daydreaming about the upcoming shows — thinking ahead only made the impending dates more daunting. I was doing my best to rein in my emotions and treat those gigs like any other. I’ve done this before. It can’t be all that different!
Our two nights in Colorado were intense, but overall, they were very similar to our next 15-20 shows. The adrenaline rush often left me exhausted and unable to recall most of our time on stage. Thankfully, my bandmates assured me that things were going well.
My experience is best described on a spectrum from “worst show anxiety ever” to “most chill performance of all time.”
It’s been a few years since we played those first shows. Most of the gigs afterward fell near the neutral zone of my Stage Fright Spectrum™ (patent pending). The more comfortable I got, the more I was able to focus on performing to the best of my ability, and the fright-o-meter worked its way ever-closer to “most chill.”
We returned to Red Rocks for two more shows in the summer of ‘22, and my experience was vastly different. I found myself smiling more. I was deliberately looking around and soaking up my surroundings. I played with a confidence that I lacked before, and I’m very proud of that progress.
I attribute that new-found comfort to time spent behind the kit and my continued meditation routine. Before every show, I took 10-15 minutes to myself to reflect, stretch, and breathe.
The goal was to remind myself that…
The collective experience we shared for a night of music was about more than one person or one band.
After each show, the world would keep spinning and we would go on with our lives (so far, so good).
Those shows were bigger than me, and I’m just happy I got to play a part.
This was a great read!
Thank you for sharing your experience and delineating your thought process so well.
I’m a Caamp fan btw